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Thursday, October 12

I resigned my fate.... I had nothing more to say... Am I the guilty one or what.

I felt that I cant accomplish something at all... I cant bring any happiness... I am been stuck in the middle and I cant even breathe. What is call sweet and lovely. It will only happen when there's no quarrel. And when it does, its call war. Or rather cold war. Theres no communication at all despite the nowsday technology. Or rather, the statellite had been down since morning... or there's crash in between?

That make me wonder even more.

I do not feel like talking much. I tried to make song and I totally screwed up. I feel like giving up. There's no photographing opportunity apart from one project which is unconfirm for me now. Maybe after that, give up. For my current job, there's no future, and more increment to see, afraid that I be stuck forever. Its time for me to submit the letter and get some rest first. Im really feeling tired more then anyone out there. All the mental stress I had now is driving me crazy, fearing that I might went bonker anytime soon.

I may be optimistic at times but, mental is something that its way out of control. Its never easy to handle that. I feel so lousy now. I just cant take it as ytd the cheating... I still fail... sigh... Who on the earth will be happy afterall?

Ppl drive... ride.. all none of my business. But seem like everyone is doing real fine. Some may drive but I know that they facing worse now. Whereas some, do climbed up all the way. Imagine... a frenz of mine earning a 4 in 3years and me? Started low and now still low.

Is entertainment industry so easy to do? I doubt so... its never easy. Its never good as well. Once you are fuck, forever you are a shit. This is entertainment, a world of darkness. And production house, wan more work but yet pay little. Whats the point. Why does the ang mo had to receive more benefits then asia? Is there a law say that they must be treated nicely? Oh... I forgotten about FOREIGN TALENT. Doesnt our country had it?

Why why why???? Im tired... I wanna give everything up and be as simple like some of my frenz. Contractor, drivers etc.. they can even raise a family.. why cant I? Earning much and try to lessed my family burden, but some do not think so? Should I just tell them they continue paying that? All of us do not earn much.. we aint the rich ppl... how... I guess fated... everything is fated. What to do...

Maybe I should go cheong do car selling and get away from music industry... Up till now, I do not understand why do I want to study audio engineering? And not, Interior Design, Multimedia.... let me think.... (got it) La Salle is offering those courses. But, problem lies on sch fee. Its not cheap afterall. Sigh. I should have had study Hotel Management also. But I do not know why. I guess the same ans will be Sch Fees.

Better go sell car audio, doing some import export stuff. But I aint sure how to do it. Not saying I wanna earn more but, to try some other job. Im sick and tired of what Im doing alr. Repetition and nothing special...

Even with increment, it wun fetch me a 20K. Whats the point. Im going to take up Class 4 5 with Victor this saturday. Shall see what other part time job I can do to drive these huge vehicle. At least an extra income. Why not. I work till I die. No way I wanna slack off... Whats the point. If I were to slack... I cant even see money since its so god damn tiring.

Im wondering am I been too naive to say money is not imptnt. I felt so stupid now after the sentences to the others. Sigh. What more can I say when I myself facing this situation. Im not going to Thailand trip anymore. Save money better.

I feel like resigning and relax, then go find other job. Im left with no much choices also... Im literally tired of sickening job..... work and work... no one appreciate...

Lost, Unknown, Lousy, Dependent. I guess that person mentioned one thing to me was totally right. If Im not wrong, it should be like this "Every single job I went for, I tried it myself without getting any help to get in" He is never wrong. He is right. Im too much dependent on others.. That led me not been so independent... Thats a minus now... A total failure in life.

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